


A Breath Away

by dottie_wan_kenobi



Series: Harry Potter (series) Fics [20]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Chatting & Messaging, Epistolary, M/M, NOT a muggle au but they do live in the muggle world, Rating will change, Remus Lupin Never Went to Hogwarts, Scottish Remus Lupin, Texting, Wrong Number AU, pre-Darlene
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26315395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dottie_wan_kenobi/pseuds/dottie_wan_kenobi
Summary: James dares Sirius to text a random number with a love confession. He ends up texting Remus.----I have to entice him somehowI dinnae think hair is the way to do itBut it’s my best featureSomehow am no surprised??? I’m offendedWell yer wit is lackin mate. “Elegant laugh”? “dress like you’re about to hit the pubs”? Ye won’t pull a bloke wit those awful lines
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Harry Potter (series) Fics [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1799116
Comments: 50
Kudos: 114





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Of Leaves and Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6535114) by [irrationalmoony](https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrationalmoony/pseuds/irrationalmoony), [LadyAmina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAmina/pseuds/LadyAmina). 
  * Inspired by [Text Talk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1651109) by [merlywhirls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlywhirls/pseuds/merlywhirls). 



> Hi and welcome to my texting fic!! I've been really inspired by Text Talk and Of Leaves And Stars, and I wanted to try my hand at one. I also really love the idea of Remus being Scottish (thank you, picascribit, for _Highland Fling_. and thank you, Diana Gabaldon, for Outlander.) so I put the two together. I am not Scottish myself but I've referenced actual Scottish people while writing this. I think it'll be easy enough to understand based off conversation clues but just in case, here's a Scottish cheat sheet:  
> Ye / yer = you / your/you're  
> Ken = know  
> Boot = about  
> Dinnae / didna(e) = don't/didn't  
> Wit = with  
> Whit = what  
> Wilna = will not/won't  
> Dinna fash = don't worry/fuss  
> No = not (sometimes)  
> Aff = off  
> Wanty = want to
> 
> **Sirius**  
>  _Remus_
> 
> ~~Posting anonymously because I'm shy,,, sorry lol~~ I went off anon finally!  
> Also may I just say. Fuck JKR. Trans rights are human rights, trans people are who they say they are, and while I love the HP world, I disagree fundamentally with her. She is a TERF and those sorts of views are not welcome here.

**I know this is a bit out of the blue but I can’t keep it in anymore. I’m in love with you. Every time I see you, my heart stops in my chest and my breath catches in my throat because you’re just so beautiful. I’m in awe of your intelligence and I could sit and listen to you ramble about your favorite movies for hours. I love your elegant laugh and the way you always dress like you’re about to hit the pubs. I’ll understand if you don’t feel the same way but I had to get this off my chest. I hope you can still stand to be around me once you get this text. If you agree to a date with me, I’ll even wash my hair for you.**

_ Uhh I think ye’ve got the wrong number. Sorry. _

_ Am sure whoever it is ye love will appreciate such a kind message tho _

_ Maybe leave off the bit boot the hair. Or just go wash it?? _

**I’ll have you know I have very nice hair**

**Which you should know since we know each other and all**

_ I just said we dinnae _

_ Have no clue who ye are _

**But you’re the love of my life! We’re meant to be together forever!**

**Is this not Benjy?**

_ Def not. Sorry mate _

_ But can I give ye some advice? _

_ Yer coming on a bit strong for someone who isnae sure this bloke even fancies ye. Try again but dinnae mention the hair thing, I think. Bit weird. _

**I thought that was my best line? Wouldn’t a prospective date WANT the other person to groom themselves??**

_ Ye sound like ye’ve never washed yer hair before sayin it like that _

**How should I say it then? “Benjy, if we go on a date, I will wash my hair before we go, but not the first time that week unless we go out on a Monday in which case it will be”?**

_ Why mention yer hair at all??? _

**I have to entice him somehow**

_ I dinnae think hair is the way to do it _

**But it’s my best feature**

_ Somehow am no surprised _

**??? I’m offended**

_ Well yer wit is lackin mate. “Elegant laugh”? “dress like you’re about to hit the pubs”? Ye won’t pull a bloke wit those awful lines _

**Awful!!**

**They are not awful!**

**If you’re so good at this, then what would you say??**

_ I’d say his laugh filled me chest wit happiness and he always looked braw no matter whit he was wearin _

**…braw?**

_ Like good, nice, ye ken _

**Aye ah ken**

_ O god please dinnae do that _

**You don’t like my Scottish accent??**

_ Do you want me to spell like a good Englishman? Do you like my Correct English? _

**Ew no**

**Don’t do that, random Scottish stranger**

_ Never again, random (English?) stranger _

_ Also I noticed ye didnae really react to ma wooing _

**Yes English**

**If you’re Scottish, why do you have an English number?**

_ Ma wooing??? _

_ I’ve moved round a bit. Got ma first cell when I was livin in Manchester an kept it ever since _

**Ohh makes sense then**

**Your wooing was…acceptable**

_ Acceptable??? Am offended _

_ That’s some o ma best work _

_ Send that to Benjy an he’ll fall in love wit ye for sure _

**Yes acceptable!!**

**I’m not going to send it to him?? I want him to hear my words not**

**No no I’m sorry I can’t keep this up any further**

_??? _

**My best mate dared me to text a random number and confess my undying love**

**I do know a Benjy but I’m not in love with him, I just used his name ‘cause it came to mind**

_ … do ye get a reward for followin thru? _

**Honestly? He said “I dare you” and I went into a competitive trance**

**Got us a laugh at least**

_ Well now am upset Benjy wilna hear ma best lines _

**I suppose I could still go and tell him if you want**

_ Nah, dinna fash _

_ Next time make it weirder tho _

**Next time??? Are you daring me. Is this a dare**

_ Gentle encouragement _

_ No a dare _

_ This was fun but I’ve got to be aff, class is boot to start _

**Class?**

**Wait how old are you**

_ 24 _

_ Am in uni _

_ How old are ye? _

**I’m 24 too!!**

**Okay good I’m glad you’re not like… a kid**

_ Heh aye me too _

* * *

**Sooo what are you studying at uni?**

_ Oh are we still chattin _

**I’m bored and you seem interesting so I thought why not**

**If I’m annoying you you can just tell me and I’ll piss off**

_ Nah yer alright _

_ Am studyin history _

_ Do ye go to uni? _

**Ohh history!! Do you have a favorite era/topic? I will judge you if you say war, fair warning**

**I do, I’m studying English**

_ Nah I dinnae have a favorite but ancient civilizations are always fun to learn boot _

_ I do enjoy learnin boot war as well but more how they come to be than the actual fightin _

_ English? Do ye only read or write too? _

**Haha well I do have to write papers all the time**

_ Ye ken I meant for fun _

**I used to a bit? But now between all the reading and papers and job and life I don’t have much time to**

**Do you have a favorite ancient civilization then?**

**I am tentatively accepting your interest in war**

_ I live for yer acceptance truly _

_ Maybe Egypt? Feels like yer never done learnin new things _

_ Whit do ye do for yer job? _

**And I for yours darling**

**Ohh Egypt is fun! For a while I considered doing an archeology major and going to study there**

**I do commissions. Mostly online paintings but sometimes people want stuff on canvas**

**Do you have a job? If not no judgment at all but I’m curious**

_ Flirting wit me already? Just today ye were in love wit Benjy. So easily replaced hmm? _

_ What made ye change yer mind? I’d love to see yer work if ye’d like to share _

_ Aye I work at the uni bookshop. Bit overwhelmin honestly but I like it _

**Maybe that was a platonic darling??**

_ Didna feel platonic to me _

**Honestly same. But it wasn’t NOT platonic either? I’m putting a pin in this. We’ll come back to it later**

_ Hah alright then _

_ I've got to sleep but I wanty ken boot the archeology an art sometime _

**Maybe in the morning**

**Goodnight,**

**Oh wait**

**What’s your name? What should I call you?**

_ Ma name is Remus. I use he/him. An ye? _

**Remus like the myth? Is that where your love for history starts?**

**I’m called Sirius, and I use he/him as well**

_ Har har _

_ Before ye ask, no I dinnae have a brother named Romulus _

_ Goodnight, Sirius _

**Goodnight Remus**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I should probably say this isn't a Muggle AU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scottish cheat-sheet again:  
> Ye / yer = you / your/you're  
> Ken = know  
> (A)Boot = about  
> Dinnae / didna(e) = don't/didn't  
> Wit = with  
> Whit = what  
> Dinna fash = don't worry/fuss  
> No = not (sometimes)  
> Aff = off  
> The morn = tomorrow

**Gooood morning!**

_It’s 1 pm??_

**Yeah but I’ve been in class all day and it’s only kind to send a good morning text**

_But at 1 pm? Could have sent it earlier an wait to chat till now_

**I could’ve buttt I didn’t want to**

**Anyway**

**How are you?**

_Well good. Cuddlin wit ma dog. Class dinnae start till later_

_An ye? Fit like?_

**Is “fit like” the same as “how are you”?**

_Aye_

**Ohh okay**

**I’m alright. I’m ignoring some work I should be doing and texting you instead**

**You have a dog??? Tell me everything please please please**

**I love dogs but my mate, Prongs, keeps bringing kitties home. There’s no room for a puppy :(**

_Work? For school or yer art?_

_Aye I do. She’s a mixed breed an her mum was a German Shepherd. Name’s Maggie_

_She’s ma service dog. Lovely lassie, verra sweet but she thinks she’s wee. Doesna fit in ma lap but tries her damnedest_

_Tell me boot yer kitties. Always wanted one but cannae_

**Uni. It’s a paper about the supernatural in medieval literature. I like the subject?? Usually? But if I look at it for even another second today, I will scream**

**Maggie!! She sounds adorable! Do you know what the dad was, or is that a mystery? And why can’t you have a cat?**

**…are we acknowledging the service dog bit or are we putting a pin in?**

**I need to warn you, I can talk about my babies for dayssss**

_Do it then_

**You sure? It can be a little annoying**

_No annoying, I wanty ken_

**Well if you say so**

**We have three named Penny, Angel, and Finn. Penny is our oldest, and she was a gift from a friend whose cat had a litter. She’s big and fluffy and a bit grumpy, but once she decides she likes you, she’ll just jump right in your lap and start purring. Prongs calls her his little Princess Penny. Her favorite activity is people watching and I’m sure she’s judging me every time I sit down to watch my shows**

**Angel is…a bastard. She’s very friendly but she’ll meow your ear off and scratches our furniture to shit any chance she gets. We found her on the street as a little baby and brought her home. She likes to sleep with her whole body curled around my head and I’m convinced she’s going to smother me one day**

**Then there’s Finn. He was also brought in from the street. Prongs just came home one day like “don’t be mad” and I said “is that a cat?” and he said “don’t be mad.” And yes, it was a cat. He’s a smart boy and has two moods: I Will Not Get Up From The Sun Spot For Anything, and If I Don’t Play Right Now I Will Die. He’s our little baby boy and he likes to eat human food right out of your hands**

_They sound precious. Think Angel might be ma fave, bastards are the best sort_

_Does Prongs have a problem? I think he might have a problem_

_If ye ever wanty talk boot Medieval Supernatural lit, I'd love to hear boot it. The supernatural is somethin am verra interested in. But for now we can leave it, I ken no wantin to think boot papers_

_Uhh I dinnae ken the da’s breed but I have her certificate somewhere. An I canny have a cat because o ma illness. I'd rather no say whit it is exactly but I need her round, mostly for comfort an on ma bad days_

**Angel is pretty great. I don’t have a favorite, I’m a fair cat father, but you’re valid**

**Hahaha YES he has a problem. Honestly expect him to bring home another kitten every time he walks in the front door. He’s the one who dared me too. If there was an impulse control brain cell, neither of us have it**

**Oh? I still absolutely do not want to acknowledge or think about it ever again, but maybe soon?? Also remind me to ask you what your papers are about. When you wanna talk about them, I mean**

**That’s understandable. About the dog, I mean, and the illness**

**Please don’t feel like you have to answer this if you don’t want to, but…your bad days.**

_That’s no a question? Whit aboot them?_

**Just. Would you**

**No no nevermind**

**I don’t know what I’m saying other than rude invasive shit**

**Let’s move on.**

**Sorry.**

_Ma bad days… I dinnae ken whit ye were goin to ask but. They dinnae happen every other day or anything like that. Dinna fash, Sirius. Am used to them by now an isna so bad. Well, its a wee bit bad. But I can handle it._

**I believe you**

**I’m sorry I’m being weird about it. We can talk about something else**

_Okay_

_Wanty talk boot the architecture and art? Or if ye want I can tell ye a story_

**I’ve never really talked about it with someone who doesn’t already know?? It’s not like a Big Deal but idk I don’t know where to start. What do you want to know?**

**What kind of story 👀**

_Well whit are ye comfortable talkin aboot?_

_Am mostly curious boot whit kind of commissions ye do? An ye said ye changed yer mind aboot doin archeology._

_I like collectin stories, like little anecdotes from history, an sharing the good ones_

**My commissions are pretty normal? Sometimes I do NSFW stuff but I’m kind of picky about it. Most people want fan art and that can be really fun, but sometimes they want things they can like hang up on their walls. Polite company, rich people shit. That can be more challenging but I like doing them too? I really enjoy doing different things and seeing where my abilities are and pushing them further**

**Oh god I sound so conceited**

_No no ye don’t_

_I like hearin aboot it_

**Still you didn’t exactly ask for a speech**

**Anyway. Archeology.**

**Basically what happened there was, I would’ve been able to go with a certain group/do a certain job and it would’ve been nice and easy. But it was all connected to my school and I just needed a break away from it, you know? So me and Prongs and a few of our other mates packed up and moved off to the city. Decided to go to uni and English seemed like a good option**

**Now that I’ve spilled my life story, let’s hear an anecdote!! Do you have any from Egypt?**

_Well if we’re to be friends then I wanna ken. I dinna mind a speech_

_If yer ever comfy enough to share yer art, then I’d love to see. Whit do ye do fan art for? An the rich people shite, is that more abstract then?_

_I dinnae ken whit to say boot the school stuff except it sounds like it was for the best_

_Hmm Egypt, let me see_

_Have ye heard aboot the pharaoh named Hatshepsut?_

**No, I can’t say I have. Please enlighten me**

_Well she was dead brilliant. Never was supposed to rule but her da and brother both passed, and the next heir was just a bairn. They “co-ruled” but she was doin everything and makin herself look like a right badass._

_She was one of, if not THE, first to import foreign plants. Brought myrrh over from the land of Punt which…that was a Big Deal at the time. No to mention there are soooo many artifacts from her time that were preserved. But ma fave bit is that she worked her PR. Had tons of statues built of her wit false beards and other such androgynous looks. Like saying “I’m the king, I’ve always been king” ye ken?_

_O course the little shite she was “co-ruling” wit came of age eventually. She stepped down an he took credit for everything she did. Tried to erase her from history, essentially, but thankfully he failed_

**Oh wow he sounds like a prick**

**But she sounds fucking cool??? Badass androgynous pharaoh. What a title**

_Right?? That’s no even the tip of the iceberg wit her either_

**Really? Holy shit**

_Really. I’ll have to tell ye more sometime, but I think ma flatmate has brought supper home, so I’ll be aff_

_I had fun chattin wit ye, Sirius. Maybe again the morn?_

**I’ve had a good time too, def distracted me from the work which shall not be named. I’d love to talk again tomorrow!! Have a good meal x**

_Aye, thank ye_

_Puttin a pin in the x for now._

**At this rate, I’ll need to make a list**

_Do it, then. Darling._

**I will. xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scottish cheat-sheet:  
> Am = I'm  
> No = not (sometimes)  
> O = of (sometimes also "oh" but not in this chapter)  
> Ken = know (ye ken? = you know?)  
> Wanty = want to  
> Dinna fash = don't worry/fuss  
> Maw = mom/mum

**….wait**

**I know it’s like 2 am but**

**You said you had classes but then you had dinner?**

_Ohh aye_

_I have a few afternoon/night classes_

_Ma flatmate gets out round 3 an he brings dinner back. Hate to eat so early, am no an old man, but I cannae say no to free food_

**That makes sense then**

**I was just thinking about it and I thought that might be what it was? But I wasn’t sure**

_Well now ye ken_

_Do ye have late classes?_

**I used to, but not this semester**

**Is that why you’re up?**

_Aye, part o it._

_Is that why YER up?_

**No**

**The truth is**

**I’m in love with the moon**

_Ew why_

**Ew???**

_Aye. Eww._

**You take that back right now!!!! The moon is beautiful! She’s my only friend!**

_Ye mentioned a Prongs enough times I ken that’s no true_

_An anyway she’s dead hackit. Absolutely revolting._

**I assume hackit means beautiful, wonderful, amazing, etc etc etc**

**In which case you would be correct. But only in that case.**

_If thinkin the moon is beautiful then am HAPPILY wrong. Hackit means ugly an it’s the truth._

_An btw, Verra Wrong Person, dinnae think I didna notice yer avoiding answerin the question_

**I’m not avoiding anything except your totally unfounded hatred for the prettiest thing in this galaxy**

_Have ye no seen Jupiter. Or Saturn, or Neptune?? Prettiest thing ma arse._

**Those are all nice but they don’t hold a candle to my lover, the moon**

_Eugh_

_I would be jealous but I ken am much better than that thing._

**That “”thing””????? Rude???**

**Wait**

**Jealous**

**Jealous?**

**Why would you be jealous??**

_Whit are ye doin up so late?_

**I asked you first**

_I asked ye second_

**Ohhh I am not playing this game, Remus lastname**

**I can live without answers**

_Well alrighty then_

_Go back to yer munter and leave me be. Am going to bed now_

**“Munter”??**

* * *

_Means ugly_

_Also good morning_

_Notice how am doin this. In the morning._

**I don’t understand how anyone could hate the moon??? Or think it’s ugly?? Who hurt you**

**Good morning!! Are we gonna talk about the jealousy thing?**

**Ohhh does 9 am suddenly count as morning?**

_I just do??? I dinnae understand how anyone COULD love it_

_Nah_

_Uhhh aye?? Ye live in England don’t ye? 9 am has always counted as morning_

**Because she’s beautiful and the only stable thing in my life**

**Other than Prongs. And my other friends ig. And the never ending flood of school work**

**Officially pinned, then.**

**9 am is hell hours. I will not be taking any commentary from the peanut gallery at this time.**

_Ye have other friends? Am shocked_

_The peanut gallery???? Excuse you am no a peanut gallery just bcoz I disagree wit ye_

**Okay one, I’m feeling very roasted right now**

**I’ll have you know I have TONS of friends**

**Okay I have like 3 close friends and that’s it but. I do have friends!! Like plural! More than one!**

**And two, are you actually upset because if you are, I’ll stop. I’m just trying to tease but I don’t wanna hurt your feelings or anything like that**

_Nah am alright. But if am yer peanut gallery, yer mine_

_An can we drop the moon bit? I ken its all jokes but am a bit…touchy boot it._

**Yeah. Yeah, of course. I’m sorry if I pushed too much and made you uncomfortable**

_No no dinna fash_

_Its alright_

_But I want a subject change now. Ye never said, whit do ye do fan art for?_

**Ohh do you know that Carry On series? With Simon and Baz and everyone? I do a lot of them. But then there’s this one person who keeps coming back, wanting me to make like posters of classics with a different spin on them. I’ve done a noir version of Pride and Prejudice, and a surfer version of Frankenstein. I’ve done some in other random fandoms too but it’s mostly that stuff**

**And again with the speeches, yikes**

_Am enjoying yer speeches, ye ken. An that’s hardly a speech anyway. Ye dinna ken speeches until ye’ve been standing in front o the whole class for 15 damned minutes rantin boot Native American societies pre-1492. While givin a presentation on Classical Rome. Verra easy to get me off track, apparently_

_I also have friends an they still scream laugh boot that. Ma prof was no impressed wit me_

_Anyway aye I ken the Carry On series an I wanty see all o this work. Especially the surfer Frankenstein._

_“I do know, brah, that for the sympathy of one living being, I would, like, make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine, yknow? And rage the likes of which you would not believe, bro. If I cannot satisfy the one… well I’ll catch a wave and indulge the other.”_

**I’m screaminggg 😂 😂 😂**

**First of all, you are the biggest nerd I have ever met in my LIFE. How did you get so far off track?? Also are we in agreement that Columbus isn’t worth the shit under our shoes. Say yes.**

**Second of all, you sound like a robot saying that. “I also have friends.” We should both pat ourselves on the backs for this huh**

**Maybe I’ll show you some of my work soon? I feel a little weirdly shy about showing you??? But like I know you won’t make fun of me or anything. Not seriously, anyway**

**Do you just have that memorized???? I won’t be surprised if you say yes**

**“I’ll catch a wave” wtf 😂 is that how surfer bros talk??**

_😂 😂 😂_

_I dinnae ken a damn thing aboot surfers, just sounded right_

_Aye we’re in agreement. Columbus can suck my cock. Am still steamin boot him an all the ways he fucked the world. I cannae remember exactly how I got there… think it might’ve been the aqueducts? An how there were a lot of cities/towns that’ve been erased_

_Hahaha aye I’ve memorized some bits o that book. Have read it maybe 20 times._

_I will most def not make fun o yer work. Ye dinnae have to show me until ye want, o course, but am sure I’ll love it_

**I don’t either?? So I’ll have to take your word for it haha**

**That makes sense!! I’ve done some reading about ancient cities but I don’t know much**

**20 times??? Why?? I read it once and it was…okay. I don’t think I’d be in a hurry to reread it**

**Thank you 🥺 if you hate it, just pretend you don’t, okay?**

_Maybe I could tell ye sometime? I love to teach, an I could talk boot this sort of thing for ages. An for Frankenstein, I had a boring childhood. Sick an stuck in bed, ye ken? Read most of the time. Was ma maw’s copy an she gave it to me for one o ma birthdays._

_I wilna hate it!!! Might be a bit ugly but if its yers, I’ll like it_

_I’ve got to get to class now but chat later?_

**Yes!!! Definitely**

**Lol you’re too sweet xx**

**If you text and I don’t reply, it’s because I’m in class too. Ohhh remind me to ask you what classes you’re taking**

_Haha alright I will_

_‘Till later, Sirius_

**You too!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't actually read the Carry On series, but I thought the opportunity was too good to pass up lol
> 
> Also yes I did post this at midnight but my friends were dirty enablers. blame them.
> 
> Thank you for the lovely comments!! I'm going to try and reply in the morning <333


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I introduce some more background information on their lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scottish cheat-sheet:  
> Wee = small / little  
> Aff = off  
> Wanty = want to  
> No actual = not actually (idk if this is universal butttt I did see it so we're going for it)  
> Whit = what  
> Dinna fash = don't worry / fuss
> 
> This is being posted at 4 am bc I have no impulse control, but it's also a super long chap?? so that's good right?? anyway love yall enjoyyy

**So you love teaching?**

**Also am I allowed to ask more about your childhood or are we leaving it there**

**OH and I haven’t forgotten, I wanted to know about your classes, if you’re comfortable telling me about them**

_ Aye! Ma wee cousins are dead awful at maths but they say I make it “tolerable” an well they didna fail their classes last semester. An I helped train Maggie. I’d love to teach weans _

_ That’s another word for bairns/babies, btw _

**Haha I gathered**

**Are you planning on becoming a teacher?**

_ Ma childhood was fine. Bit rough sometimes but mostly boring and lonely. No much to say really _

_ Am better aff a tutor, I think. Been doin that for a while an no problems yet _

_ Alright, ma classes. I have a few normal, requireds but I also take 3 others: Religious Communities in the Late Antique World, Belief and Unbelief in Classical Greek Religion, and Magic in Greco-Roman Literature and Life _

_ Bit o a mouth full if ye ask me. But they’re all well fun, verra interesting an only make me wanty tear ma hair out a wee bit. If ye can believe it, am no actual religious, tho am fascinated wit whit people do an dinnae believe in _

**Ohh I’m sorry you were lonely :( did you ever get to play with anyone? In any case, boring is something I can relate to. I was carted around from tutor to tutor a lot of the time**

**Please tell me you’re like… a fun tutor. Not one who speaks in a monotone and clearly gives no fucks beyond getting paid**

**Those do sound really interesting!! And the second and third ones similar at all? What do they teach in those classes?**

**Also I think you forgot to say something about this so I definitely will: are you obsessed with the Greco-Roman era because that’s where your name came from? Follow up question: did you perhaps have a twin brother that you absorbed in the womb as a very late retaliation for the OG Remus?**

_ Oh Jesus Christ _

_ No I didna have a fuckin twin 😂 😂 an wouldna make more sense if I was meant to be Romulus an absorbed ma twin, then got named the wrong thing? _

_ Anyway, nah. Sometimes ma cousins would visit for the hols but that was it. Did ye ever get to? Or were ye stuck wit them all day? _

_ I will have ye ken, I couldna be boring if I tried. Its one o ma true talents. The pay is well good but seein them improve is ma fave bit _

_ Ehh they overlap, bcoz ye ken the Greeks/Romans dealt wit their religion in their daily lives a lot. But theres a lot that dinnae connect too. Like in Belief/Unbelief, we talk aboot whether they really thought the gods lived up on the mountain. Or if Narcissus really fell in love wit his own reflection, ye ken. In Magic, its more stuff like… Circe an how she turned Odysseus’s men into pigs.  _

**It would???!! Are you a secret agent. Should I start calling you Romulus instead. How does it feel being the successful one**

**Until I went off to school, my days consisted of tutoring, being lectured, and strained family meals. It wasn’t like alllll day but it was most of it, and it was always stuff that I didn’t give a shit about.**

**But anyway I wanna see more of this talent. I don’t know if I believe you. But also, your nerdy side is showing again. Of course you just wanna see them improve, that’s adorable**

**Ohh I see. You know, I always thought Circe was kind of a badass? But I would never want to meet her, she’d probably kill me in a second and what would I be able to say back except “oink”??**

_ Hahaha even if I was, I couldna admit it! Dinna wanty get in trouble, ye ken. An honestly I wouldna ken _

_ Ohh that sounds dead boring. Whit did ye do for fun? Were ye even allowed? Am suddenly verra thankful for ma maw’s bookshelves.  _

_ Well give me somethin boring an I’ll make it fun. Am no nerdy just bcoz I enjoy learning!! _

_ Ye could say “ouch” or something, am sure _

**Okay so next time my friends ask who I’m talking to, I should explain you’re a secret agent for the queen but SHH don’t say anything? Got it. And omg, I wouldn’t either. High five for being failures!**

**Allowed? No. Did it anyway? Absolutely. I mostly pranked my cousins and broke priceless antiques and stole stuff from the offices**

**I can’t say ouch if I’m dead???**

**Hmmm… 🤔 well since you mentioned maths, do that**

_ Well ye can try!! _

_ Easily. Ye need to ken, tho, that fun to me is history facts. If I was yer tutor, I could find somethin to do instead, like an activity, but bit hard to do over text _

**I’m not surprised to hear this at all**

_ There was a man who lived over 2000 years ago named Eratosthenes. He estimated the Earth’s circumference using math. He never left Egypt (where he lived, o course) to do so, an yet he was accurate to within 2%. Pretty fuckin awesome if ye ask me _

**You just looked that up!**

_ So? Ye didna say I couldna _

_ I found some others, ye have to see them now too _

_ The word “hundred” comes from the old Norse term “hundrath” which actual means 120 and not 100. Guess people rounded down? _

_ A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time, meaning 1/100th of a second _

_ If ye shuffle a deck of cards (the CORRECT way, no just stacking them), its more than likely that the exact order of the cards ye get hasna been seen before in the whole history of the universe. _

**Whyyyy are you torturing me with maths facts?**

**Did I ask for this? What did I do to deserve this???**

_ So ye dinnae think its cool that from 0 to 1000, the ONLY time the letter ‘a’ shows up is in “thousand”??? _

_ Also aye ye did ask me yerself, I believe ye said to make maths interesting _

**My brain is too fragile to handle this information**

_ Hahaha _

_ I’ll stop then _

**Well I mean…**

_ Ye dinnae want me to? _

_ Are we sure yer brain can handle even one more fact _

**Well, I do love to push boundaries. Hit me with another one**

_ In a room of 23 people there’s a 50% chance that two people have the same birthday _

**Yeah okay no I couldn’t handle it**

**But now I’m wondering when your birthday is**

**You don’t have to tell me if that’s weird or something but if you do… 👀**

_ No, no weird. Or well, I dinnae ken how internet friendships go but am no worried aboot ye like. Hearin ma birthday an stealin ma identity or some shite _

_ March 10th _

**Ohhh, that wasn’t that long ago!! Happy late birthday!**

**Mine’s November 3rd, so a bit ago already**

**Also dw, I’m not going to steal your identity. Please don’t steal mine 😂**

_ Thank ye! ❤️ _

_ Trust me, it’s currently no in ma plans _

**I don’t like that “currently”???**

_ Well… _

**Well???**

**This is the stranger danger I was warned about, isn’t it**

**Are you actually Remus lastname, a history major nerd, or are you one of those FBI agents all those memes are about?**

😂😂😂

_ Aye am Remus lastname. No a FBI agent. I dinna think they could pull off ma accent anyway _

_ Haha probably not, you’re right _

_ Dinna fash, am kiddin aboot the identity theft thing. Well unless ye try an steal mine first. _

**Same. I suppose we find ourselves at an impasse, then**

**Truce?**

_ Aye, truce _

_ Oh shit I forgot _

**What?**

_ High five for being failures! This time it can be for our piss poor socialization skills hmm? _

**Oh!! Lmao yes that works**

**I just put my foot in it while you’re off holding up the entire conversation**

_ Am no!! Yer doin fine _

_ But if ye like, we can chat boot ye for a bit _

**We can but ??? What do people talk about, even.**

_ Well whit do ye and Prongs talk aboot? _

**His girlfriend Lily (who btw is amazing), the kitties, our jobs, how we’re gonna be 100 years old still taking the piss out of each other, our shows, our other friend Pete, how NO we are NOT getting more kitties, etc**

_ We already touched on the jobs… tell me boot yer friends? _

**I…. This is another one of those situations where everyone who I talk to about them already knows me/them. Idk where to start??**

_ Whit’s yer fave thing boot each of them? _

**Oh**

**Ohhh**

**This is difficult, let’s see**

**Prongs… he’s like my soulmate?? Sometimes he’ll just come up and hug me, or turn on a song and dance with me, or he’ll buy my favorite snacks while he’s out and I don’t even have to ask for any of it. He can just tell. And I do the same, I can always tell when he’s up or down, and what he needs and stuff**

**Lily always snorts when she laughs and it is So Gross but we all compete to see who can make her snort the most times. And I’m winning because she always cracks up at my impression of Prongs. And when she snorts, it makes the rest of us fly into hysterics. I test out all my jokes on her**

**Pete is AWFUL at cooking and baking everything except a very specific biscuit recipe that Lily’s mum gave us from her own grandmother. Every time we have a sleepover, he makes them and then very theatrically presents each of us with a single one on a fancy platter**

_ They sound wonderful an hilarious _

_ Tho am wonderin when the competition wit Lily ends? _

**Honestly I think it’ll be going on forever**

**Maybe we’ll take score when Lily and James (that’s Prongs’ real name) get married 🤔**

_ Oh are they engaged? _

**No, not yet, but it’s really only a matter of time**

**Now I wanna know about your friends!! What’s your favorite things about them?**

_ Well, I’ve known the girls, Marlene an Dorcas, since we were weans. Ma fave things… Dorcas has a whole dresser dedicated to socks she got from this one brand. They’re all soft as anythin an she refuses to wear them matchin, an has let me borrow some once. Then Marlene, when she’s dead bored she likes to see how long she can do a handstand for. An then when she’s dizzy, she says “woooow I shouldna done that” an then tries again. She’s absolutely mad. _

_ Then there’s Mary. She’s a doll, absolute sweetheart an everyone thinks she’s all nice. Then ye get her alone or wit friends an she starts swearin like her first word was fuck. Always gets me to hear her do it too _

_ Then ma flatmate Frank. He’s an American an always says he’s no a nerd an then I hear he’s aff “exploring” the city again an he tells me boot all the places he found. Gets so excited just bcoz he found the grocers or some wee cafe. _

_ Speakin o Frank, I think he’s just come home _

**Ohh with dinner? You should go and eat!! But talk again soon?**

**Also I love your friends. They sound amazing**

_ Aye they are. Yers do too. But now that ye’ve said it, I wanty have a sleepover wit them all _

_ Alright I’m aff. He brought Chinese an am starving. Def chat soon!! Later tonight? _

**Yes, that sounds good! Enjoy your meal ❤️**


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scottish Cheat Sheet:  
> Wanty = want to  
> Canny = smart  
> Dafty = silly/foolish

**Okay not to be weird but do you think Frank is conditioning you to be hungry at 3 pm**

_I asked him an he said “I am NOT…doing it on purpose? Oh my god am I fucking Pavlov??”_

**Hahaha omg**

**Tell him I’m onto him**

**I just had that thought as we were coming home and I couldn’t let it go**

_He says he’s absolutely devastated_

_Say he wilna be bringin dinner home again_

**Wait wait**

_Wilna stop apologizing_

_Says thank ye for openin his eyes to this_

**Waittt 😩😂 I didn’t mean for him to stop!! I was just curious!**

_Too late 😔_

**Nooooo**

_Hahaha_

_Its alright_

_He was just fuckin wit ye_

_Well. He was actual a wee bit sorry but I couldna stop laughing aboot it so he’s no worried anymore_

**Oh good**

**I was debating how to demand you figure something out. You shouldn’t skip meals if you can help it**

_Somedays I go an get food maself_

_Am no completely useless ye ken_

_One o those wee shops are on ma way home from campus_

**I love those places**

**They feel so surreal but like in a good way**

**We have one nearby too, it’s sort of…niche? But when I go inside, it’s like walking into the best parts of where I grew up and the best parts of where I am now. I keep trying to bug the owners into opening up a cafe portion so I can sit down and stay there all day**

_Ma place that’s like that is ma parents’ new house. Feels like home but different too. Nostalgia but no to the place, to the feeling. That’s the best sort o feeling, I think._

_Haha best o luck wit that. Have ye made any progress?_

**Exactly!!**

**I don’t wanna go back to where I was. But sometimes I miss the good parts. And it’s nice to have the two combine**

_Aye_

**A little bit, I think? They’re used to me, and usually they just say no. But last time, the guy in who runs the place (it’s run by a family, and they’re family friends of Prongs) asked if I planned on working if they did do it**

_An ye said?_

**I said it’d depend on the pay and if they were willing to put with me for hours at a time haha**

**Might’ve set my efforts back but you know what? I’m fine with that. It’s a PROCESS**

_Hahaha aye it is_

_Would ye still have for yer commissions if ye did work there?_

**That’s a good question 🤔 I think I’d have to pause probably. Or have fewer open slots**

_How many do ye have now?_

**Six total, but I’m working on like four of them right now. The last two are empty**

**3 for Carry On content, 1 from the classics person who wanted a painting of Ebeneezer Scrooge celebrating his second least favorite holiday: Labour Day**

_Hahaha omg_

_That’s pure magic_

**…magic?**

**Is this another Scottish English phrase my delicate posh Londoner-ness doesn’t understand?**

_Aye_

_Its like. Good, great. It’s pure magic_

_Yer from London?_

**Oh, yeah**

**Haven’t been in years tho**

**Where are you from? Glasgow?**

**Also I feel I should remind the court of our agreement not to stalk each other**

_No stalkin from me_

_Nah am from Inverness originally. Lived all over tho_

_Is Glasgow the only city ye ken?_

**I know about Edinburgh too tyvm**

**Isn’t Inverness really far North?**

_Wellll a bit_

_North o me_

_But no as far North as ye can get_

**Sorry, Prongs wanted to cuddle**

**We looked at a map and it seems Very far north of where I am**

_Well aye ye live below me_

_O course it does haha_

**You’re not going to ask where I live?**

_Wouldna that breach the stalking agreement?_

_Did ye want me to ask?_

_Sirius Lastname, where do ye live. I ask for reasons unrelated to stalking._

**Well now I don’t want to say**

**Unless you’ll tell me where you are 👀**

_St. Andrews_

**….Cambridge**

_Ohhh I’ve been there_

_Its a nice place_

**Yeah, I like it better than London, that’s for sure**

**You said you’ve been all over? Can I ask why?**

_Aye. Lived in Scotland, England, Wales. But I dinna wanty say why now. Sorry._

**That’s okay!!**

_Bit private, ye ken? An hard to explain anyhow. I dinnae ken how to say_

**It’s really alright**

_Am sorry_

**No no no**

**Don’t be sorry**

**Listen, if I ever ask you something and you don’t want to answer it, there’s no hard feelings. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I don’t need to know anything you don’t want me to know**

_Whit if it was somethin ye NEEDED to ken but I didna share_

**I can’t think of anything that could be like that. Unless you’re lying and you’re actually like 12 years old**

_No no am 24. Am no lying aboot that_

_I just._

_Nvm_

_I feel the same. I dinnae wanty make ye uncomfy. I wilna push or force ye to answer anythin ye dinnae wanty_

**Okay good. We’re in agreement then. No making each other uncomfortable.**

_Aye_

**Topic change?**

_Please_

**I have two ideas**

_Lets hear them_

**We could talk about one of the things we pinned. Orrrr you could tell me another history anecdote?**

_Whits on the list?_

**In order: me calling you darling (and whether or not it was platonic), your illness, me signing off with an “x”, and you saying you were jealous of the moon after I called it my lover**

_…… I think I’d rather a story_

**Yeah I think so too**

_From anywhere specific?_

**Hmmm**

**Maybe just one you think I’ll like?**

_Alright_

_Lemme find one_

_Have ye heard o Ada Lovelace?_

**The name sounds sort of familiar?? But I can’t think of who she was/what she did**

_She was a “maths goddess”_

**…I still don’t know who she is but I’m intrigued**

_Her da was THE Lord Byron an her maw was a hypochondriac who absolutely adored maths an had her learn it. An Ada loved maths too but she was a right beast as a wee lass. She refused to sleep in beds, argued wit every adult she met, an refused to learn proper etiquette. When she was 12, she designed a steam-powered flyin machine but her maw made her quit bcoz itd “disturb her precarious health”_

_Her maw was constantly needin to be cared for an Ada had to do it even after she married. OH also her husband started goin by “Lord Lovelace” an supported Ada’s intelligence which is more than most men o the day could say_

**Wait I kind of love that**

**I wanna be called Lord Lovelace**

_Haha alright then_

**It’s badass but cute too**

**Just like me**

_😂😂_

_Sounds perfect then_

_But back to the story. She met Charles Babbage. He was a canny lad an his most famous invention was the Difference Engine which could do boot half the things a computer could do…except he never finished it. Got distracted by a diff machine called “Analytic Engine”_

_Absolutely nobody knew whit the fuck this machine did (in part bcoz it DIDNA EVEN EXIST yet, he hadna built it). Except Ada. An she started to write out all these equations and shit, wantin to help Babbage. She wrote this document called “notes” to describe how to program it and called it her “child”_

_While she was writin this thing, she was on drugs, drinkin wine, an that was it. Sometimes she sounded normal, sometimes she called herself a prophet charged by God wit unveiling the secrets o the universe using maths. Verra different, ye see._

**Uhh yeah very very different omg**

_She was sick an spent her free time bettin on horse races. Ye ken she had 3 bairns an never spent time wit them?? Died at 36. But one o the first ever computer languages created was called “ADA” in her honour_

**Ohh that’s so young!!**

**…I was telling Prongs about her and he said she sounds like me????**

_Hahaha did he?_

_Which bit is supposed to be ye??_

**“Likes maths, is dedicated to work, is crazy with a crazy family”**

_…well I cannae confirm any o that but it sounds boot right 😂_

**He’s 100% correct. Which is unusual for him**

**He says “OI!!! Tell him I’m ALWAYS correct!!!” and also said not to mention the vast many times he mixed up Sherlock and Shakespeare**

**But yes, always correct**

_Ohhh ma god 😂_

**“It was an easy mistake!!!”**

_HOW? 😂_

_No no I dinnae wanty ken. He’ll turn me dafty if I hear_

**Lmaooo he has that effect**

**Ugh he’s wanting to cuddle more. Talk more later?**

**Oh before I forget, thank you for the story!!**

_Aye! Have fun wit the cuddlin ❤️_


	6. BONUS: Remus, Marlene, and Dorcas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we got a LOT of hits between the last two chapters, so hi everyone!!! I'd also like to say thank you again for the lovely comments!! <3
> 
> _Remus_   
>  **_Marlene_ **   
>  ** Dorcas **
> 
> Scottish Cheat Sheet:  
> Hen = term of endearment like "love" or "darling"  
> Fit like? = how are you?  
> Tae = to/too  
> Ah (am, ahll, ahd) = I (I'm, I'll, I'd)  
> Och = THE SCOTTISH NOISE!!!!! basically just means "oh"  
> Dafty = foolish/silly  
> Dinna fash = don't worry  
> Geein = giving  
> Fir/fer = for  
> Fir wye = why  
> Oan = on  
> Reekbeek = disgusting  
> Auld = old
> 
> (**dw only Dorcas talks with a thicker accent, some of these will only be necessary for her chapters)

_ Hey hens _

**Moony!**

**_Hellooooo_ **

**_How are you love?_ **

_ I actual have somethin I wanted to discuss wit ye both _

_ But first, fit like? _

**_I’m alright! This healer shite is exhausting but I’ve got a constant supply of biscuits from my mum so I’m making do. What do you need to talk about? x_ **

**Am well good. Easier tae work wit the dragons than ah thought itd be. The bairns are wee sweethearts**

**Aye whit is it?**

_ Biscuits sound delish. Can I have some next time I see ye? _

_ Send pics!!! We wanna see _

**_We dooooo_ **

**_Send them!!_ **

**Ah will ah will**

**But after Moony tells us whit’s eatin him**

_ Well. _

_ I was wonderin _

_ Ye both have muggle friends do ye no? _

**Ah used tae but since ah got this job, ah havena been able to keep in touch**

**_I have a few. We aren’t exactly close but I see them fairly often, if that counts?_ **

_ It does _

_ Ye see, I made a new friend an he’s def muggle _

_ I wasna sure if _

**_…if?_ **

_ I wasna sure if am able to keep the magic shite hidden so well bcoz its normal or bcoz of how I was raised _

**_How did you meet him?_ **

_ I feel embarrassed to say _

**_Not judging at all love, just. That can change how easy it is. If you meet in person, I’ve found it more difficult to hide._ **

_ Over text. Wrong number sort o situation _

**Och ma sweet laddie**

**Yer so dafty**

**O course its easier tae hide over the phone. Dinna have tae see him face tae face, ye can think before ye speak**

**_Yeah, exactly_ **

**_Whereas in person, you start talking about school and suddenly you have to scramble to come up with a lie, and it’s so obvious you’re hesitating_ **

_ That’s true _

_ But…I dinna have as much to lie aboot. I dinna have to lie boot Hogwarts, I can just say I was homeschooled _

**_Maybe that makes it easier to avoid bringing up Hogwarts, but you still have to lie about what you learned, love_ **

**Aye, whit she said. Ye still have tae hide. Just maybe no the same things, exactly**

**Is he makin ye uncomfy? Ahl fly back in an fight him**

_ Aww ye big softy _

**Am no soft!!! Am a DRAGON TAMER**

**Cannae say that can ye, ye “”uni student“”**

**_Hahaha_ **

**_If this is a scale, am I in the middle?_ **

_ No yer next to Dorky _

**Nah yer next tae me**

**!!!**

**Glad we agree then**

**But ye never said. IS he makin ye uncomfy?**

**_Every second it takes for you to answer is another second we become more and more suspicious of him…_ **

_ No no he’s no. He’s actual been verra… no ‘kind’ exactly but. I dinnae ken how to say. He’s no pushin me. Even when I say things that, if he said, I would ask boot. Am worried boot nothin I think. _

**_Well, has he said things that make you curious? Have you pushed him on it?_ **

**_That’s rhetorical, btw. We all know you haven’t._ **

**_It’ll all be alright, love_ **

**Dinna fash yerself, Rem**

**If hes no pushin then its well good**

**But if he starts… 🔪**

**_I will join in 🔪 🔪 🔪_ **

_ ❤️❤️ _

_ I love ye both _

**_We love you tooooo xxx_ **

**Aye ^^**

**Next time am in Scotland, am geein ye a ten minute hug**

_ Make it 15 _

**20 then**

**_Still sounds a bit short if you ask me_ **

**_Also I am demanding to be part of this hug_ **

**_No hugging without Marlene!_ **

**Hahaha alright hen we’ll wait fer ye**

**_Good._ **

_ Maybe we’ll have to hug while we wait 👀 _

**_No!!! Hugging!!! Without!!! Marlene!!!_ **

_ Then ye both need to get yer bums here noo _

**_I’ll Apparate in_ **

**Och nah!!! No huggin without Dorcas!!!!!**

**_Take a break from the dragons then and come cuddle with us!! x_ **

_ Aye Dorky, am wit Marlene on this one _

**Fir WYE are we gangin up oan Dorcas??**

**_Um excuse you, you just did it to me love_ **

_ Talk boot yerself in third person often do ye? _

**Shut it both o ye!!**

_ 😂 😂 😂 _

**_He has a point tho…_ **

**Oi!!!**

**Ahll go back tae ma dragons then since neither o ye wanty be nice 😤**

**_Noooo come back_ **

**_It’s boring without you_ **

**_What could Moony and I even talk about without you? Taxes? Other boring muggle shite?_ **

_ Am offended but I dinnae want ye to go either Dorky _

**_Offended?? What shall we talk about then_ **

**_That ISN’T history, school, work, what books we’ve been reading, or cool as fuck dragons_ **

_ ……… _

_ Well if ye want maths trivia I foond some for ma new pal _

**_First of all, I’m offended I’m getting the leftovers_ **

**_Second of all, of course I want to know about maths. Hit me with them_ **

**Nah nah nah**

**Am back**

**Ah cannae stand maths, ye both ken this**

**Ah wilna hear a single maths fact or ah will be forced tae retaliate**

_ Ye wouldna _

**Ah would.**

**_I would suggest texting me privately but I think Dorky wants to hear some maths facts._ **

**No!!!!**

_ A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time, meaning 1/100th of a second _

_**Oooohhhhh** _

**Pure reekbeek**

_ Is no!! Maths are fun _

**Ye should get yer head checked lad**

**Remus.**

_ No _

**Did ye ken**

_ Noooo _

**The average human body carries TEN. TIMES. more bacterial cells than human cells**

**Yer more bacteria than human**

**How do ye feel, Bacterium?**

_ Disgusting!!!! _

**_That’s a boring fact_ **

**_Do you have something interesting???_ **

**Grasshoppers have ears in their BELLIES**

_ Gross!!!!!! _

**_Really??_ **

**Och an octopuses have three hearts, nine brains, an blue blood**

_ Howwwww _

_ Nine brains _

_ Am horrified _

**_That’s so fucking cool_ **

**_I wish I had 3 hearts, 9 brains, and blue blood_ **

**Transfigure one o yer auld dollies tae look like that**

**_Amazing idea!!! I’ll have to do that next time I visit Mum_ **

**_I’ll send you one Moony_ **

_ O please dinnae do that _

**Take pics when ye give one tae him**

**Ah wanna see his face**

_ I love ye both but now am gonna be the one dramatically exitin the convo _

_ Keep yer science facts to yerself _

_ GoodBYE _

**_Awww bye Remus_ **

**_Dorky and I will have fun with our awesome facts_ **

**Aye ah have more**

**Did ye ken the known universe is made up o 50,000,000,000 galaxies?**

_ That’s no a real number _

_ Take that back _

_ Ma head will pop like a balloon if I think boot that too hard _

**_So what I’m hearing is that there are definitely aliens._ **

**Aye most def**

**Ah wanna meet one**

**_Can I come with?_ **

**O course!!**

**Moony tae**

_ Nooooo _

_ No aliens _

_ Am verra good no meetin aliens _

**_Boring_ **

_ Frank says he’ll go wit ye tho _

**Frank Longbottom?**

_ Aye _

**_American branch right? I’m fine with it_ **

**_Tell him to strap in cause we’re going to space!!!_ **

**He can come if ye do tae Rem**

**But ONLY if ye do**

_ Nooooo _

_ Guess we’re stayin here then _

**Boring!!!**

**_Remus Boring Lupin_ **

_ Aye thats me an whit boot it _

**_Come with usssss_ **

**_I bet the aliens won’t care that you’re boring_ **

**Nah they will**

_ Thanks Dorky _

**Anytime love**

**_Oh I love it when you’re mean_ **

_ Bottom. _

**Bottom.**

**_I’m…not even going to bother trying to refute that_ **

**_Now both of you fuck off, I have work in the morning and I want my beauty sleep_ **

_ Think ye mean *need yer beauty sleep _

**_Bastard!!!!_ **

**_GoodNIGHT_ **

**Night love xxx but ah think hes right fer once in his life**

_ Oi???? _

_ Goodnight Marls x _

**_🔪❤️ xxx_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, how are we feeling about having other characters? I was mostly planning on chapters like these being bonus things, not the main point (bc I know it can hard to keep track of a bunch of formats and who they're supposed to correspond to). Do we like it? Do we want me to not do this again? Do we want more?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I forgot to mention last chapter, but "noo" = "now"

_Good mornin darling_

_Fit like?_

**I’m well! On my way to class. Also very aware of you calling me darling**

**How are you? Do you have class today?**

_Aye I do_

_Sittin in one right noo_

**And you’re texting me?? Ooh someone’s breaking the rules**

**And for little old me?**

**Darling you shouldn’t have**

_Och alright then I can chat later if ye wanty_

**That was an attempt to get you to acknowledge the ‘darling’ comment actually, but if you really want to go…**

_Wanty, shouldve, all the same_

_Am dead bored, wanty chat wit ye instead_

**Which class are you in?**

_Intro to Physics_

_Have avoided it for all these years but noo am stuck_

_Hate it_

**Physics is fun!! What are you learning about?**

_The only term ive retained all semester is kinetic energy_

**You know what, I can’t blame you**

**Chemistry and biology are so much more fun**

_Am utterly surrounded by science nerds 😔_

_I didna wanty chat boot class tho. Frank said somethin last night that got me thinkin_

_Apparently regular people get to know each other better by playin 20 questions an I realized we’d never done that_

**Ohh you wanna play 20 questions?**

**Sure! I want to get to know you better, definitely**

**Do you want to start? Or me?**

_Hmm ye start?_

**Ooh okay**

**Classic question: what’s your favorite color and why?**

_That’s two_

**No it’s not!!**

**If it fits naturally within one question mark then it counts as one**

_Fine fine_

_Ma fave color is probably blue. Bcoz it reminds me of the sky, an bcoz ma dad has some auld jumpers that are blue an verra comfy. Used to cuddle up in them when I was a bairn_

_Same question back to ye_

**Awww I can picture little baby Remus having a little kip in one**

**Mine is, without a doubt, gold. It’s a regal color, but it feels happy too. Plus I have a golden watch from Prongs’s parents that means a lot to me, so it reminds me of them**

**Next question is gonna be… have you ever pranked someone?**

_Hahaha aye I have_

**Ooh ooh what was it???**

_Oi, ma turn to ask!_

_Am assumin ye have pranked someone. Who was the riskiest target?_

**Fineeee**

**I absolutely have pranked a great many people. Honestly, I can’t choose which was the riskiest because like, there are different levels of risk, you know? Pranking my granddad, for instance, was different from pranking my teachers, and they were all different from pranking Prongs or Pete or Lils. But I guess…probably all the times we did something to the food at school. Looking back as an adult, I’m shocked we weren’t ever expelled**

**Okay okay okay. What was your best prank?**

_Hmm… one time Mary an I convinced Marlene we fancied each other. We both told her we didna think itd work out if we tried anythin, so she started tryin to convince the other o our “best qualities” and such, esp similarities, all “ye see how cute ye’d be together? I think she likes ye!!!” To no avail o course. Had a ton o fun lyin aboot, whinin how I’d never find love. Drove Marlene absolutely nutty_

_For yer next question, whit the hell did ye do to the food at school???_

**Uhhh we mostly put food coloring in various dishes, stuff like that. Completely unsanitary, and potentially putting kids with allergies at risk 😬**

**But in our defense, we could basically just walk right into the kitchens and none of the workers ever noticed?? To little shitheel 12 yos, that was basically permission**

**Which…is still not an excuse of course but. Can’t change it now**

**Anyway. Next question for you is: have you ever been in a fist fight?**

_I suppose I should be rantin at ye aboot safety an all that but I dinna wanty. If they didna care (an ye werent punished for it?), an ye know better now, I dinna think I have to_

_Aye, I have_

_When ye were a bairn, whit did ye wanty be when ye grew up?_

**Um??? I need more details please???? Who did you fight, why did you fight, did you win???**

**I def do know better now. Most of my food-related pranks are on Pete and Prongs, and I know their limits very well**

**Um I think I wanted to be a king? But like, a cool king who played footie and decided when his own bedtime was**

_That’s more than one question!!_

_A king who plays footie. I’d love to see that_

**Is not! It all fits into one question mark, the other two were for emphasis**

_O alright_

_Well. Have been convinced to go out to the club a few times by ma friends, an some o them dinna ken how to act in public. Am talkin boot Marlene. Shes verra…excitable? Bumpin inty people left an right. An usually its fine, people dinna care that much. But one time, she was dancin (an forcin me to dance wit her o course) an accidentally tripped an spilled her drink all over this bloke. He was VERRA upset an started shoutin at her. Marlene doesna need ma help usually but she was plastered an he was a BIG bastard. So I cut in an said “oi back off she didna mean it, ye fuckin weapon” an he didna take too kindly to that. So he swung at me. We fought a bit but got pulled apart soon enough, so no winners_

_Whits the first thing ye notice aboot people?_

**Fuck that guy!! It sounds like it was an honest mistake, getting mad is just silly**

**Like, physically, their hair. But I notice vibes first, I think. It’s pretty easy to tell when people are a bit off.**

**Ugh okay, I have to actually pay attention for a bit. More later? I think we’re at five each?**

_Aye that seems right_

_Def more later. Am havin much more fun chattin than learning anythin boot physics_

**Try to find something interesting, it’ll help the time pass quicker**

**Okay ttyl! xx**

_Later, darling_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for such lovely comments!! I'm sorry I haven't replied yet, I truly appreciate them but I just have negative energy for replying rn dskjfajh
> 
> More questions will be coming up next time! Also, fun fact: Sirius wanted to be a king who played Quidditch because he figured he was pretty much already a prince, and that kings couldn't be punished. So that, plus being able to fly around and have fun was about as free as he could get :')


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yet more 20 questions playing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tiny wee bit NSFW near the beginning!!

**REMUS LASTNAME**

_ Aye? 😊 _

**You are insufferable**

_ An proud o it _

_ Really tho if am makin ye uncomfy, just let me know an I’ll back off _

**No!! No, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable**

**As long as I can call you darling, too, I mean**

_ If ye wanty, I certainly dinna mind it _

**Wonderful. Darling, then**

_ :) _

**:))) !!!**

**Okay, do you want to keep playing 20 questions?**

_ Aye _

_ Is that yer next question? _

**Um no!!**

**But it is my turn**

**Let’s see, what do I want to know 🤔 what’s your favorite joke to tell?**

_ Och thats a hard one _

_ I ken lots o jokes but theyre more… inside jokes? Hard to explain _

_ Alright maybe no ma favorite all time, but its a good one _

_ The sexiest mythological creature is Medusa. Ask why _

**Why’s that?**

_ Bcoz whenever I see her, I get rock hard _

**😂 😂 😂**

**Omfggg**

**I just spit out my drink all over the table**

_ Hahaha oops _

**I didn’t expect something so…NSFW?? But it’s very you. History nerd**

_ I cannae deny it _

_ Most o the ones I ken are a wee bit saucy. I shouldve warned ye, am sorry _

**Oh no no don’t worry about it!! I’m going to have to tell Lily that one**

**I might even get her to snort, so really, thank you 😂**

**But now it’s your turn to ask something!**

_ Best o luck wit that _

_ Same question back? Whits yer fave joke? _

**I also have a lot of inside jokes, but puns are also always appreciated. One of the first ones I learned was**

**What did the grape say when it got crushed?**

_ I dinna ken, whit did it say? _

**Nothing, it just let out a little wine.**

_ Ohh hahaha that’s clever _

**Isn’t it?? It always makes me laugh**

**Okay, next one: would you rather live in the country or in the city and why?**

_ I choose the third option o livin on the outskirts o the city _

_ Cities are too loud, too compact. Can barely think sometimes. Countrys too quiet. Cannae help but go crazy wit nothin to do an nowhere to go _

_ Plus Maggie needs more space than ye can usually find in the city _

**Valid**

**I’ve never lived in the country side, not really? I mean, I kind of did, but there was a little town a short walk away so it never felt too quiet or isolated**

**Ohhh Maggie! Is where you live now good for her?**

_ Oi it’s ma turn! _

**Oops sorry!! Go ahead, darling**

_ Well _

_ Wait I have a question _

_ No one of the 20 _

**Let’s hear it then**

_ How…serious are ye comfy going? Is there anythin I shouldna ask aboot? _

**Oh…that’s a good question. I don’t particularly want to talk about my childhood or my family really. But I won’t mind if we talk about more serious things? I’ll let you know if I don’t want to answer something, you can just get a re-do**

**Is there anything you don’t want to talk about?**

_ Alright, that goes for ye too _

_ Ma illness, I suppose. An I dinna mind either _

**Okay, I’ll keep away from that**

_ Thank ye _

_ Whits the weirdest thing ye’ve ever done in yer life? _

**Oh haha that’s not as serious as I thought we were going to get**

**Hmm, I’ve done a LOT of weird shit**

**When James and I first moved in together, I decided I wanted to try all kinds of food. No one could stop me, plus all I had to do to get James on board with me was to dare him to try it. So we ate like, ice cream and pickles, pineapple pizza with peanut butter and jelly on top, toast with whipped cream… and we just didn’t stop? 😂 It went on for days, just making the nastiest stuff and saying “I dare you to eat this” and then forcing ourselves to eat the whole thing so we could “win”**

**Lily found out about it and she said “I’m not even going to ask what the hell is wrong with you two” but jokes on her, she enjoyed the Oreos with orange juice**

_ Och all that sounds VILE _

_ I mean, I’d try it, but still vile!!! _

**Hahaha really??**

**Now you’ll have to someday and tell me what you think!**

_ Am already regrettin all ma life choices _

_ But o course I’ll tell ye _

**Good, good**

**Now, I don’t need to know like all the details of where you live, but is it big enough for Maggie/is she doing well?**

_ Aye I think so _

_ She’s verra big an doesna love livin in a flat, but she manages well good. She likes goin on walks on the streets an gettin pets from everyone _

_ An Frank is good boot her bein round and goin all over the place. Sometimes I wake up an shes sleepin in his bed hahaha. She’s got the run o us both _

**Awww that’s precious. Please tell me there are pictures**

**I’m glad he’s nice to her!! It’d suck to move in with someone who wasn’t cool with dogs**

_ There are pics. I’ll share them someday. And aye, it def would _

_ Am lucky to have found Frank, really _

_ But I think its ma turn noo _

_ How do ye spend yer weekends? _

**Working, lounging, cuddling, for the most part. Sometimes we go out to shop, visit old friends, stuff like that**

**OH and I make special time to spend with each of the kitties! Sometimes it doesn’t work out exactly but it’s on my schedule lol**

_ Dinna wanty cuddle, huh? _

**Yeah 😔 they wanna cuddle on their own time and not a second before**

**You said something about Maggie wanting to cuddle, didn’t you?**

_ Is that yer question? _

**No!! I’m making conversation!**

**This is separate from my precious hoard of questions**

_ Hahaha well aye she does. Crushes me sometimes but I dinna care much. She’s too cute to be mad at for long _

_ Noo go on _

**Alrighty**

**Are you more of an introvert or more of an extrovert?**

_ Introvert, definitely _

_ Just wanty stay inside an cuddle up under the blankets an read. An NO for school, for fun!! Every time I set ma for-fun books down just to read boot fuckin physics or trigonometry, ma heart breaks _

**Awww poor heart**

**Some day soon you’ll be able to set those textbooks down for the last time**

_ No soon enough 😔 _

_ Whit’s something ye wish everyone knew aboot ye? _

**Honestly? That I am not like my family at all**

**Except for the cool ones, I mean, but that’s not who I get judged based on lol**

_ Well if ye ever tell me more, I’ll no judge ye for them. Any o them. _

**Thank you 🥺 ❤️ that means a lot to me.**

_ O course darling _

_ Yer turn? _

**Okay this one is uhhh VERY deep, so you don’t have to explain if you don’t want to, but would you rather be hated or forgotten?**

_ Forgotten. I cannae stand to be hated, unless there’s a good reason for it. But there never has been before. Bein forgotten…I wouldna like it, I DINNA like it, but I could stand it.  _

_ An ye? _

**Is that one of your questions?**

_ Aye _

**I’d rather be hated. And maybe that’s petty, but it would feel good knowing that some of the people who have reason to hate me can’t forget about me**

_ Maybe a wee bit but I wilna judge _

**Ha thank you**

**Am I allowed to ask about the “never has been before” thing?**

_ Um _

_ No right noo, please _

**No worries**

**Wanna keep going? Or maybe we should take a little break**

_ Aye, I’ve got class anyway _

_ Well I’ve actual been in class for most o this but ye ken whit I mean _

**Oooh texting in class again?**

_ Yer more fun than even Magic in Greco-Roman Lit and Life _

**Oh I am truly honored**

**Go pay attention!! We can keep playing later**

**If you want, I mean?**

_ Aye I do _

_ I’ll text ye? _

**Anytime xx**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think we've got two more chapters of this 20 questions thing, cause it was 5 each last chapter, and 5 each on this one too. Someday I will be free to this game. Someday.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yet more questions!

_ Frank has brought dinner again _

_ Said ye needed to ken yer plaguin him _

**Hahaha oops**

**What’d he bring?**

_ Pizza wit all the toppins _

_ Am just boot done, then more questions? _

**Yes!! No rush!**

**James and I skipped class to watch movies in our PJs**

**He says hi**

_ Och that sounds verra fun _

_ Hi back! _

**He says "what are your intentions" but we're going to ignore him**

_ Hahaha alright then _

_ Am ready noo _

_ Whose turn was it? _

**Mine!**

**Hmm let's see**

**If someone asked you to give them a random piece of advice, what would you say?**

_ I dinnae ken 🤔 _

_ Probably... dinna be a dickhead? Spendin yer life on hating or bein rude is such a waste. An maybe…dinna hold onty things ye cannae have. _

_ Whit would ye say? _

**That’s good advice. It’s SUCH a waste, and you just end up disappointed**

**I’d say, don’t wait around for someone to save you or get you what you want, you have to do it and search it out yourself. Don’t depend on others for everything.**

**Tho it’s good to depend on others for some things. Just, you have to help yourself too**

_ Aye, I ken whit ye mean _

_ Find someone ye can trust, but dinnae expect everyone to do right by ye _

**Yeah, yeah exactly**

**Who do you trust most?**

_ Honestly? Ma dog, Maggie _

_ I love ma parents an ma friends, but Maggie is always there. Didna have to tell her any o ma secrets, dinna have to be worried she’ll tell anyone. Get a cuddle whenever I need one.  _

_ Who in yer life has influenced ye most, and how? _

**A cuddle whenever from someone who won’t tell your secrets sounds amazing**

**I hope I can meet Maggie someday**

**Okay tbh there are a few contenders for that question but I’m gonna have to say James. He was the first one to show me that I could be anything I wanted to be, and he showed me that I could like hugs and that family could be a good thing. And all that set me on the path I went on, and I’m only where I am now because of him**

**Same question back 👀**

_ Copy cat _

_ Am verra glad for James, then. Everyone deserves to get hugs if they want them _

_ I suppose…Dorcas. Her da was friends wit ma da when they were young lads, an she was ma only friend for years. Introduced me to her other friends an has shown me bits o whit she learned there, an she gave me the courage to move on ma own _

**They do!! Hugs are the best**

**I’m happy you have her! I can just picture you and her laying in bed, reading like nerds**

_ Hahaha aye a bit. She doesna love books much. But naps together were always fun _

_ Ma turn noo? _

**Yeah**

_ Hmm _

_ Whit is yer biggest long-term goal? _

**Oh m**

**My god**

**I have no idea**

**Ummm**

**To be happy? To be a good person? By the time I die, I want to have lived a fulfilling life, hopefully doing things that would make my family ill, but James happy.**

**I’m gonna be a copy cat again and ask you what yours is**

_ Verra good goals if ye ask me _

_ I wanty be a good person too. Dinna wanty hurt anyone. Wanty prove everyone wrong boot me an who I am _

_ An…maybe I wilna be alone. _

**Relatable**

**Finding people is just. Impossible. Someone who understands AND is cool is too much to ask, apparently**

_ Right?? _

_ I cannae just walk up to someone an say “hello am XYZ an ma most important secrets which could make or break a relationship are this that an the other. Wanty get married noo? Pump to ye heart’s content?” _

**If I did that…. 😭 😭 I’d be sent to the hospital for sure**

**Wait. What does pump mean?**

_ Same _

_ Shag? Fuck? _

**Oh goodness**

**Hahaha I can just imagine spilling all of my secrets and saying “so wanna shag now?” and getting slapped for it**

_ Och aye it wouldna be good haha _

_ Ma turn noo? _

**I think so**

_ Whits one o yer secrets, that would get ye slapped? _

**🤔**

**I broke a major law at the age of 15 because I was bored**

_ Major law?? _

**I haven’t killed anyone or anything like that, don’t worry. Didn’t even hurt anyone but myself. Ended up fine**

**I can’t explain what it was exactly, I swore an oath not to tell without permission from James and Pete, sorry 😔**

_ Och its alright _

_ No like I’ve never broken the law before _

_ Yer turn, darling _

**What law have you broken????**

_ I’ve broken more than one haha _

_ But to answer yer question. Have stolen books from the library _

**Oh you rebel**

**Was it on purpose?**

**That’s not one of my 20 questions, btw!!!**

_ No it wasna on purpose _

_ We’ve moved so many times it wasna possible to return some o them. Sometimes I still find old books I havna read since I was a bairn _

_ Its ma turn anyway! _

_ Pass if ye want, but whits something that scares ye? _

**I won’t pass as long as I can ask you back**

_ Alright then _

**Thunderstorms. Hearing voices but not being able to hear what they’re saying. Not being able to talk to or see James. Cutting my hair???**

**Wait fuck you only wanted one thing**

**Sorry 😩**

**You don’t have to say more than one, it’s fine**

_ Dinna fash, darling _

_ Yer alright _

_ Well, ye ken boot the moon. Makes me feel small an alone an like am nothin _

**It does?**

_ Aye _

_ An I ken thats dafty but I cannae help it _

**It’s not dafty**

**Those feelings are the worst, and not enjoying anything that makes you feel that way is valid**

**Lily says it can help to try and find new connotations for things like that. Like…cutting my hair was a reminder of me not having control over myself, but now it’s me deciding to care for myself and take care of my appearance**

**I’m not trying to say you have to do that with the moon, but…maybe it’s something to think about?**

_ Do ye have long hair, then? _

_ That would be nice, but I dinna ken whit to think boot instead _

_ Its just a rock in space that reminds me o the worst times in ma life _

**Is that one of your 20?**

_ Why do all ma questions have to count?? _

**If you wanna know, it has to count… 👀**

_ Fine then _

**Yes I have long hair. It’s black and hangs loose most of the time, but when I put it up, I wear colorful scrunchies because they make me happy**

**As for the moon…**

**Maybe it could help to think about it as like, a connector? Everyone sees the same moon. You might feel alone (and that’s valid!!) but out there somewhere, someone else is looking up and seeing the exact same thing as you. Tons of someones, even**

_ Scrunchies? 👀 I wanty see that, if ye ever wanty share pics _

_ I dinna ken if that’ll help. I appreciate it but…makes me a wee bit anxious honestly, an it doesna feel real either _

**Maybe soon? I’ll want to have a whole breakdown first about which photos to send**

**I understand**

_ Ye’ve started an stopped typin so many times noo am gonna put us both out o our misery an text first _

_ Ye dinnae have to say anythin else, no much anyone can do for a fear like that anyway _

_ An aye, I dinna mind waitin for the pics, tho if ye dinna wanty send any that’s alright too _

_ Am just realizin we never said whit we look like _

_ An its yer turn to ask a question _

**I was trying to find something comforting to say but. Words are hard. And yes I do want to send some, just not yet**

**You’re trying to get me to ask and use up on of my questions! We only have like four left don’t we???**

_ Aye we do but do ye no wanty ken whit I look like? _

**…**

**Fine fine, what do you look like?**

_ Well noo that I have to answer I cannae speak _

_ Am tall I suppose. Bit pale. Curly hair thats dark blond? Ma eyes…maw says they’re green but I think they’re hazel. Mary says I have eyelashes like a lass but I dinnae think that’s an insult. Bit pudgy too. _

_ An I’ve got some scars. _

_ Whit do ye look like, other than yer long black hair? _

**If you’re ever willing/wanting to spend a photo of yourself, PLEASE do, I’d love to see these eyelashes**

**I’m tall too! I wouldn’t call my skin tone pale exactly, but it’s not very dark either. My eyes are grey, and I also have eyelashes that my friend Alice once said she would kill to have. I run a lot, so I have pretty damn awesome legs if I do say so myself**

**Scars?**

**Actually no ignore that, that’s probably not something you’ll want to talk about**

_ Def no _

_ I’ll be sure to show ye ma eyelashes. We’ll have to see whose are better _

_ When ye send the pics _

**…yes?**

_ Nevermind _

_ Frank is beggin to hang out so I’ve got to be off in a minute _

_ We have 3 left each right? _

**Wait no no you have to tell me what you were gonna say???**

_ Nope, I dinna _

_ An aye, 3 left each _

_ The morn? _

**…fine. Fine.**

**Yes, tomorrow**

**If we don’t talk before then, goodnight xxx**

_ Goodnight, Sirius x _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The questions will finally be over in the next chapter, and there'll be two (maybe three?) fun things coming up! One is a surprise, the other will be what Remus almost said about the pics....
> 
> Thank you again for all the kind comments! <3 I'll try and reply soon :)


End file.
